Map & Produce » Chattanooga

April Fools on You, Wonkette (and Kos, and …)

noel — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 13:34:45 +0000

“Snobs say they have the right kind of hat; prigs say they have the right kind of head.”
—G.K. Chesterton

A blogger on the Daily Kos blog wrote that “it’s unlikely to have been a Photoshop job,” while a blogger for Wonkette wrote that the photo “proves without doubt that Karl Rove is illegally running all the White House e-mail through a private company.”
—Chattanooga Times Free-Press

I smell right-wing conspiracy.

No actually, scratch n sniff that. I smell my friend Josiah Roe & his gang back in Chattanooga pulling an absolutely stunning April Fools joke via a cleverly-executed underground web campaign.

The abbreviated version: Copix punks Wonkette; Christians may have a sense of humor; popping noises heard up and down both coasts.

Josiah, the face behind the April Fools joke, is just a dude. I became friends with him at our undergraduate alma mater. Not even native to Chattanooga. But the ‘Nooga is a place where you can make friends, like Gid and Ron. It has the resources, infrastructure, talent, unpretentiousness, and pragmatism to be the birthplace of this type of tweaking of the establishment. These guys are not the establishment, they’re not part of anybody’s political machine. Josiah drinks bourbon, swears, and goes to church. He’s not a Mason or Shriner, but he does drive a silly scooter. He just got together with some friends who live in his neighborhood and conspired to cause mischief. The web enables local mischief to turn into global (okay, maybe just national) mischief. Amen.

Like Hugh from gapingvoid says, a well-executed blogging campaign is an act of love; it’s not about manipulation, but about what happens when real friends with real lives use the internet for something that they find meaningful. Tweaking politicians, and the people who rabidly froth at them, I fully endorse as meaningful.

Cultural Learnings of St. Louis for Make Benefit Glorious City of Chattanooga

noel — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 00:23:51 +0000

Jagshemash!

I like you. Do you like me? I want to be your friend, visit very nice Chattanooga this weekend and tell you of my learnings in glorious Louis. Meet me at the Lamars place for Friday vodka drink. You see me as I wear blue hat. My wife, she be there too. Sexy time 423-834-1745!

Westward Ho!

noel — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:10:33 +0000

I stop writing computer programs for lawyers tomorrow. I begin writing computer programs for intelligence agencies on Monday. I’ll leave the protective shadow of Lookout Mountain, bulwark against the storms from the West, and mush just that way, back to the flatlands and anvil thunderheads. New places and people beckon, and frankly, having failed to take radical action, I’ve disconnected already from the people and places here in the ‘nooga. Natural, not entirely good, and completely inevitable.

The mountains have been hazy the last week. Today I walked south from downtown to southside, and I could only make out the faintest looming mountain line in the sky two miles away. I picked up my car, clad in new klomppen so freash and so clean clean, and drove away.

My playlist for driving to and fro is as follows:

Johnny Cash in Tennessee

Live at Fulsom Prison
Johnny Cash & Bob Dylan
American Recordings
American III
American IV

My Morning Jacket in Kentucky

It Still Moves
Z

Sufjan Stevens in Illinoise

Illinoise
Avalanche
Seven Swans
Live at the Purple Door 12/20/2005

Nelly in Missouri

various singles of irreputable provenance and nature

Obviously, two questions follow from this. First, does anyone know of high-quality MMJ live sets from the Z tour? Second, can a suitable replacement be found for Nelly repping Missouri?

This move is also messing with my personal metanarrative. But I’ll touch on that later.

The Warble of The Domestic Page

noel — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 23:35:38 +0000

Page has brought down the house more than one time with his mighty, melodious, warbling whistle. Now, dear reader, you may enjoy this most wondrous of talents thanks to an enterprising videographer and the internet. I present Mr. David Page performing the classic hymn “Be Thou My Vision” in the bucolic outdoors of Southern Florida. Cherish it in your heart; treasure it for your children.

The Man Date

noel — Wed, 31 May 2006 23:37:34 +0000

When Macey was back in Chattanooga a couple of ~~weeks~~ months ago, we reclaimed some quality time together we both had missed. One moment, a precious hour, of that was lunch. We went to a downtown Thai restaurant. We both had Thai iced tea and something spicy. We talked. It was a man date. I did the same type thing with my younger bro over Christmas.

If you don’t know, now you know. I’m just that secure.

Lions Bite

noel — Wed, 24 May 2006 23:40:13 +0000

“The spectator is set at an absolute distance, a distance that precludes practical or goal-oriented participation. But this distance is aesthetic distance in a true sense, for it signifies the distance necessary for seeing, and thus makes possible a genuine and comprehensive participation in what is presented before us. A spectator�s ecstatic self-forgetfulness corresponds to his continuity with himself. Precisely that in which one loses oneself as a spectator demands that one grasp the continuity of meaning. For it is the truth of our own world�the religious and moral world in which we live�that is presented before us and in which we recognize ourselves…What rends him from himself at the same time gives him back the whole of his being.”

–Hans-Georg Gadamer, Truth and Method, p. 128.

I write for therapy. Eagerly anticipated this game, sat first row, 25 yard line, wore me scarf (thanks, wife), sunk my head in shame at defeat.

As a team, our World Cup squad just wasn�t there. No runs, no diagonals. O’Brien and Convey’s through balls were laughably wasted because no one bothered to make the run to be there for them. We started with a new formation for Arena�s Nats, 4-3-3, and then switched to a 3-5-2 for the last 20 minutes to press for the first goal. Our back was solid until the switch to 3-5-2 (a 3 without Gooch and with Cherondolo and Gibbs??? Bruce, eat more bananas. We need defense, not offense, in the back 3). This was a shame, because the crowd was peppy with chants and colors. Largest soccer crowd ever in Tennessee, yo. Far from the moribund concrete structure that was the Birmingham stadium last year. After the last four minutes of stoppage, I was like a kid, not wanting my, ahem, hopeful heros to stop playing. 90 minutes too short.

Items of interest:

Personal notes from personal observations:
- Upside: Schooled. Gumby was fast and pernicious, especially providing some harassing defense in the midfield. Mastroni looked sharp, defending and distributing. He looked ready for Serie A, not like a Rapid. Convey sparked our only sustained offensive attacks. Imagine: running at the midfield, beating a guy, and passing it through the defense to a forward! Is that what the English teach you? Gooch = Daddy.
- Downside: hotel trouble. Landycakes had already checked out of his hotel in Nashville, and never bothered with the game. It was especially galling to see him sauntering around the middle of the pitch as Morocco did touch-passes through the middle two yards in front of him. Gibbs’ positioning was scary like a 15th floor balcony with no rail. McBride was…where was Brian again? Did Conrad lock in his hotel room? Jimmy!.. Wolff’s gameplan: run really fast, trap like an elephant, pass like a brick, run really fast and make it all up. Unfortunately, like most soccer players, he can kick the ball faster than he can run and catch up with it. Deuce, Ching, EJ: call your mommy, you forgot your game back at home. Keller was still eating the complimentary breakfast he snuck out, and didn’t come out for that loose ball that ended up in his net in the 89th.

Lame Excuses

noel — Tue, 16 May 2006 23:31:08 +0000

I was going to post a lame excuse for my recent posts, all of which contain less than two sentences and/or a single picture.

This is not it.

Notes from Al Plantiga Lecture: “Evolutionary Psychology and Scriptural Scholarship”

noel — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 15:30:48 +0000

As Josiah Roe and Matt Gillikan have reported, Al Plantiga, Professor of Philosophy at the University of Notre Dame, is in Chattanooga lecturing at Covenant College for the weekend. Here are my notes from his first talk, “Evolutionary Psychology and Scriptural Scholarship”. My interjections are in italics. No quotes are direct.

[Update]: Gillikan posted his notes to the same lecture early this morning.

Method

Philosophers like to talk about method
So do scientists
It�s admired just as much as guessing

A True Conflict between Religion & Science

Evolutionary Psychology

Understand all distinctive features of humans in terms evolutionary origin.
Art, humor, play, poetry, love, religion, et al are understood in terms of evolution
�This particular trait arose {suddenly | gradually} by random mutation, it was then found to be adaptive and adopted for further evolution by natural selection�
Examples

A bad explanation for religion: As prey, the switch from prey to predator resulted in a celebration. Religion is that celebration.
Better explanation: Religion is a spandrel of rational thought. Natural selection encouraged the development of natural thought. Attempt to acquire non-existent goods by negotiating with nonexistent supernatural beings. (R. Stark later became a Christian and now teaches at Baylor)
Michael Ruse: The group with moral intuitions will do better. However, there is no such thing as
Herbert Simon
D. S. Wilson: �see if the detailed properties of Calvin�s Church [in Geneva] can be interpreted as adaptation to its environment.� The aims and goals of the Church are provided by evolution.
Plantiga interjects: I believe that I live in Indiana because that�s what is the case. There�s no goal in my belief. What�s up, Reid.
Freud: Religion isn�t a dysfunction of cognitive faculties, but those faculties don�t function as to produce true beliefs.
Plantiga:

Why do scientists come up with theories incompatible with Christian belief?

Belief in atheism
Methodological naturalism

Science proceeds as if God is not a given

The data set for a proper scientific theory can�t refer to God or employ what one knows or thinks one knows by way of revelation
Proper scientific theory can�t refer to God or employ what one knows or thinks one knows by way of revelation
The background information for a proper theory can�t include propositions entailing the existence of God or employ what one knows or thinks one knows by way of revelation.

Scripture Scholarship

Traditional Biblical Commentary

Tries to explain what the Word of God means.
Take for granted divine revelation
Once you figure out what God is saying, God is not required to defend it.

Historical-Critical Biblical Scholarship

An Enlightenment project
Understand the Biblical books from reason
Does not assume divine revelation
Proceed with biblical criticism in a scientific manner

Two ways to be scientific in regard to scripture scholarship

Troeltschian

God never does anything specially.

Duhemian

Use only evidence or beliefs everyone accepts.

Defeaters for Christian Belief

Suppose Christians are committed to a high view of science. Further suppose that science opposes Christian belief. Does that constitute a defeater for Christian beliefs? What should the reaction be?
No.

Traditional Christians think they have a source of warranted belief (faith and testimony). Such sources require the defeater to argue that they are wrong.
Science is already a part of a Christian�s evidence base. So some part of my evidence base says that some other part of my evidence base is unlikely.

eg the sources of information about you whereabouts are both memory and what people tell you and video surveillance. That these accounts differ does not mean that my belief about where I was is defeated.

Analytic epistemological logic mumbo-jumbo.

Questions

Should METHODOLOGICAL NATURALISM be fought in courts?

The Dover case relied on expert witnesses, philosophers of science, who said that science requires METHODOLOGICAL NATURALISM, and that science make empirically verifiable propositions.

I am so going to sue somebody and then claim that the defense of a settlement in my favor ruining the defendant is dependent on economics being a science, and that it cannot do so under the Dover case.
Should Dembski�s quasi-methodological naturalism be accepted?

Yes. Except that since Christians have a bigger set of beliefs, they should be coming up with explanations that include elements of that larger set.

Should biblical scholarship be treated the same as Shakespearian scholarship?

Questions of authorship, diverging accounts, etc do not present a problem to for Christian belief.

Metaphor of an archer.

Yes, accept. But Christians should do splience, using the empirical method and Christian beliefs to arrive a explanation that incorporate the elements of their evidence base.

Okay. Where�s the beef?

There may not be a difference between science and splience. But there are projects that arise from Christians beliefs, and we should pursue those projects. Atheism produces unique results, so should Christianity.

Response to methodological naturalism�s use of Occam�s Razor type arguments against Christian�s evidence base.

Attention Chattanooga:

noel — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 04:33:54 +0000

The man recently praised by Robert Pinsky as showing “ambition and scope”, R. David Macey, will return to our fair town in a mere matter of hours. Mothers, hide your comely daughters, lest his aforementioned scope extend to them. Everyone else, meet at the Fox & the Hound, which has yet again agreed to offer $2.00 pints for the evening in his honor.

Mr. Macey will be taking visitors beginning at four in the afternoon.

For those so inclined, I will arrive there at six in the evening to catch the rebroadcast of the day’s Champion’s League fixture ‘twixt my beloved Barcelona and Benefica with him.

That is all.

Job Opening: Network Systems Engineer

noel — Thu, 09 Mar 2006 23:36:37 +0000

NETWORK SYSTEMS ENGINEER- Local law firm seeking a professional to fill a Network Systems Engineer position. Candidate must have good written and verbal communication skills, 5 years relevant experience, be a responsible and motivated individual, and well versed in all aspects of Windows and IP networks.

Also, the servers have to like you as a person. As do we.

The office in question has a window with a nice street view.

Leave a comment if you have a lead, or email noel dot elissa at gmail dot com.

My Virtual Community Responds to the Danish Cartoon Debate

noel — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 23:35:03 +0000

One of my great joys is the challenging thoughts and provocations that my friends throw out on their blogs. The Denmark Cartoon riots/ruckus/debate attracted a particularly diverse and deep response. I’ve collected the best for wider dissemination.

Josiah believes that radical Muslims lack a sense of irony. Mesh calls out the press’ indomitable fear in the face of unrest. Elissa parallels the Muslim response to the cartoons with the Christian response to Seurano. Jason thinks that the worldwide, decentralized Muslim response proves that Islam is not a peaceful religion.

With that link-pimping, my street cred should spike nicely.

An Open Letter to the Hamilton County Clerk Regarding Web Site Standards and Accessibility [Updated]

noel — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 01:29:36 +0000

To: CountyClerk@mail.hamiltontn.gov
CC: webmaster@mail.hamiltontn.gov
From: noel at weichbrodt dot org
Subject: Express Tag Renewal Center Online Accessibility

Clerk Knowles (and Webmaster),

I was shocked to find, upon attempting to access your online Express Tag Renewal Center (http://www.countyclerkanytime.com/onlinesvcs.htm), that you do not support standards-based web browsers (https://secure.hamiltontn.gov/cclerk/tags/browser.asp) like Firefox (http://www.getfirefox.com). I and many of my friends and family (all your constituents) only use web browsers that adhere to the formal standards of the web (http://webstandards.org/about/) and that offer full protection from various internet exploits and dangers (http://www.mozilla.org/support/firefox/faq.html#mozvsie). To not offer your services to us because of our choice is both a slight and a self-condemnation.

Upon examination of your county web site, it seems that it currently stands in violation of Section 508 (http://www.section508.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Content&ID=3), which mandates compliance with both web standards and disabled accessibility standards (http://webstandards.org/learn/faq/#p312). Though Section 508 is a Federal law, and thus does not directly apply to the County, as a government agency compliance with Section 508 demonstrates your concern for standards and accessibility, especially for your constituents who are disabled (http://www.usdoj.gov/crt/ada/websites2.htm), also (http://www.alistapart.com/stories/politics/). Further, demanding the use of closed-source web browsers ignores the quantifiable superiority of other options (http://www.dwheeler.com/oss_fs_why.html).

There are a number of Chattanooga-based small businesses who are competent in the area of standards-based and accessibility-compliant web design (http://www.aiga50.org/cha/). I suggest that if your IT team does not agree with the industry standards and best practices in this area you avail yourself of their reasonably-priced services.

Please note that I will shortly discuss this issue, along with this letter, on my community blog (http://barelylegalsubstance.chattablogs.com). If you wish for further information regarding what I have mentioned above, or to discuss these matters, please contact me directly.

Thank you for your consideration.

Noel Weichbrodt

Background:
A city employee who wishes to remain anonymous recently wrote this on a Linux-related mailing list:

this sucks… the reason they wanted to know what sort of user-agent info is being sent from Safari is so that they could *allow* that browser to access the County Clerk tag & title website… [I] asked why the hell can’t I use Firefox anymore? Their reason:
Firefox is open source. A hacker could modifiy the code and post a hacked version of Firefox on the net. People download the hacked version of Firefox and it sends passwords and other sensitive information back to the hacker.
…the guy who made the policy to block Firefox [on the Express Tag Renewal Center] is one of the programming team managers here. the programmer said he wanted to block firefox, not because of security issues, but because he didn’t want to code his website to work with all possible browsers.

In light of what the city employee posted, my letter attempts to take the County’s elected officials to task. If you care about this sort of stuff, take a couple minutes and write to the addresses I noted above with your concerns.

This, while other counties are cutting costs and increasing performance by switching to free/open source software.

Update: Added links to the quoted URLs

Sooner Gain, Gamecock Lost

noel — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 23:35:05 +0000

Win some and lose some. This week I said Godspeed to a dear friend of many years, Jason Luther. He’s moving to Florida to pursue ~~ludicrous amounts of insurance money~~ his dream of running his own business. Meyer’s Pride, a roofing contractor in partnership with our old roommate Brien Meyer, gains his singular work ethic and intelligence. Brien gets his old roommate back, and Chattanooga loses one more of my valued friends that I have gained since moving here. Jason, though I rocked your world in Greco-Roman, you’ve been a greater influence, resource, and brother than your wrestling performance suggested.

I mentioned that you win some. If you’ve ever been foiled by Murray Logic, curious about the Gamecocks, or craving some young conservative opinion-shaping, you would do well to subscribe, as I already have, to Manville Tabletalk, Jason’s new blog. Though I’ll miss him as a drinking buddy, at least I’ll still get the quips and absurd videos.

Think Small. Think Sexy Beast.

noel — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:36:02 +0000

When confronting massive problems like African poverty, try this debonair gentlemen on for size.

My friend Peter Brinkerhoff (he of S.B. infamy) is back in America for a small break after a year in the (neither) Democratic (nor) Republic of Congo. He’s doing important work on a small scale, work that won’t win him Fulbright Fellowships or Time magazine covers, but will help lift ~1,000 Congolese from cyclical poverty to thriving entrepreneurship. Joel Belz describes the work of his fellow Ashvillian in glowing terms in a post to World Magazine.

I’m working on getting Peter set up with a blog. More to follow. Props to Jason for proposing the title and lead of this post.

Hair Stories IV

noel — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 23:32:19 +0000

I take my lunch to the park across the street, the award-winning and humanely-designed Miller Plaza, a few times a week. One Wednesday, I was meeting my wife for a nice break. Our mouths were full of food as we looked into each other’s eyes lovingly. Two old ladies got up a couple of tables over, chattering loudly. I paid no mind, until one of them said something indistinct rather loudly. I looked up, and she was looking at me. I had no idea if she was talking to me, and locked eyes with her and did some sort of goofy pantomime to indicate such, since verbal communication was failing. Lady 2 intervened, “What she is telling you is that you have gorgeous hair.” Lady 1 quickly followed, “Have people told you that before?” I replied in the affirmative, and broadly indicated the large population of such. Lady 1, undeterred, continued, “Well, we saw you and thought ‘he has such beautiful hair’, and we were so jealous. That’s what every woman wants.”

Thanks, ladies. I’ll be here all week.

Curiously Strong Chattanoogans

noel — Thu, 06 Oct 2005 23:32:46 +0000

I will refrain from snarking about my beloved city, and simply note its mention in the Times yesterday as the new home of the Altoid.* Identity crisis to follow for both parties.

*Note that our smaller, nimbler, and local-er Pulse covered the story, sans identity crisis angle, over three months ago.

Why I Hate Comcast, and, By Proxy, The Entire Media/Communications Industry

noel — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 23:16:22 +0000

In the last year, I’ve tried both Bellsouth and Comcast. Both suck. I pay through the nose and don’t even get what I want.

Basically I want three things from all the pipes and waves coming into and emanating from my house. First, I want internet access at a reasonable-for-2005 speed. Second, I want to watch red-blooded American sports: football and basketball, at the college and professional levels. Third, I want to watch my blue-blood European sport: soccer, at the league and international levels. That’s it.

In exchange for those services, I am prepared to pay, quite handsomely I think, the sum of $65 dollars. Near as I can figure, you could probably offer me a 256kbs internet connection, ESPN, and Fox Soccer, and meet the floor of my criteria for aforementioned cash. You could offer more (say Cox Sports channel, or NBA Season Ticket channels), or better (HDTV, faster ‘net connection), and I could probably be convinced to pay a bit more, or just earn a good name.

Simple, right? A small bit of IP pipe, two TV channels, good service, and you’ve got me hooked for the rest of my foreseeable life. And hey, I’m flexible. You want to offer me Wi-Fi instead of landline broadband? I’m game. You want to deliver those two channels over copper instead of cable? Cool with me.

Sadly, this is not how the world works.

Instead of accepting the transaction terms outlined above, you, Mr. Cable Monopoly, are currently trying to offer me everything except what I want. So I am forced to enumerate what I do not want.

I don’t care about The Disney Channel, or most other channels. I’ve had 300-channel cable, and all I got out of it was a profound depression. At those moments where I had time and inclination to sit down with the remote and the all-scrolling program guide, I would flip through the next 1.5 hours of programming for all of those 300 channels, bright-eyed with expectation and excitement at exploring the offerings of the largest, most well-funded entertainment industry the sum total of the entire Earth’s efforts has produced, and inevitably conclude, “meh, there’s nothing good on TV.”

This is after flipping through screenful upon screenful of TVGuide listings, for fifteen minutes.

I don’t care about landline phone service. I have a perfectly good cell phone that comes with many, many minutes that I pay dearly for. There is no reason for me to accommodate another ten digit number in my life.

I don�t care about most TV shows. The ones I watch, I can download anyways, and watch it (as Ryan pointed out) when I want, without commercial interruption.

Basically, I’m saying this: I know what I like, I find out what I like through means other than the TV, and I don’t care that you, Mr. Cable Monopoly, offer me these 300-odd other channels that carry exactly nothing that I wish to watch.

My last point is that my demands could easily be met. I am basically asking for TV-on-demand, or at least a la carte cable, which is a death toll for many obtuse media business models and agreements. I am also asking to decouple TV from internet from phone, but still to offer all three. These are not new ideas. They are also eminently possible using technology that is at least five years old. But near as I can figure, these companies do not actually care about giving me what I want. I’m not even a selfish, crying baby to them. I’m just nameless, noiseless krill that gets sucked up and digested in their bloated primitive corporate entity.

So, in summary, I know what I want, neither Comcast nor Bellsouth nor Verizon give it to me, and in fact instead of giving me what I would like they instead give me exactly what I do no want, and this is all when they are fully capable of delivering what I want.

Why I Hate Comcast, And Have a Loathing for Bellsouth Too

noel — Tue, 04 Oct 2005 23:41:00 +0000

So, what have I tried in my adventures in affordable and desirable media consumption?

Bellsouth, and Comcast.

I’ve tried over-the-air TV with Bellsouth for the internet connection. That sucked because the ‘net connection was slow (torrent files averaged about 40kps), and the TV reception was horrible. We made Casselberry stand in the middle of the room with one arm at a 45-degree angle one Saturday afternoon so that we could see the OU players in color. Plus, I had to pay for a landline phone in order to get the DSL. I didn’t use the landline phone. Not once. I didn’t even have a phone to plug into the jack. $25 a month, just for the phone that I never used. The DSL? $45 for a 256kps connection.

Bellsouth, you suck.

Comcast had a special so I switched to them. I got the Digital Plus package and the broadband cable. The net connection is speedy. The channels are nice. But when the trial period was up, I couldn’t figure why I should pay $130 a month for 300+ channels that I didn’t really have time to watch. Entourage Season 2 was over, and Lost was on network TV. So I downgraded to Limited Ghetto cable, and kept the cable modem. We’re still talking $60 a month. So I figure hey, why not add HDTV and Fox Sports World. That just adds another $12, and I get my football and soccer. So I call. The Comcast “Customer Care Representatives” lady pretty much thought I was an idiot, and had never heard of Fox Sports World. Nor could she be bothered to look it up to see if it was available, or explain why I couldn’t order it, or care that I was asking for a package that Comcast offers on its web site. But I’m a savvy consumer, and would not give up. So I look up some more packages, and find Cable Latino. That way I can get ESPN and Fox Sports Espanol. And brush up on my romance language. Comcast gets ringed again, and a different “Customer Care Representatives” lady accepts my order.

The wife just called. The cable guy came by, and couldn’t hook up the Fox Sports World Espanol channel because we don’t have the right plan. This despite three different, ahem, “Customer Care Representatives” assuring me that, “no, no problem, you can order that Cable Latino package with your current plan. Yeah, you can also get the HDTV channels too with the plan. Yep.”

No soccer, no football, and no HDTV for me. Not even in Spanish. Argh. Of course, I could pay $120 a month, upgrade to “Preferred Basic”, and grab the Cable Latino plan. But that’s $120 a month for two channels and a ‘net connection. Sorry kids, I’m still middle class. That’s 1/4th of my monthly rent.

Comcast, you suck. And I have two more blog entries that explain why.

Man, these blog entries are therapeutic. I’m still disappointed, though.

Hey William Cotton [PG-rated Local Politics Rant]

noel — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 22:35:26 +0000

Hey William Cotton: let’s play soccer with your balls. Oh wait, you don’t have any. And apparently your integrity is worth $1,750. Hope that works out for you in prison and all.

Maybe you can buy a subscription to Martha magazine with the bribe money. That’s the great thing about this country: even scumbags are able to buy a magazine with quick & easy instructions on how to make seasonally-matched window curtains for a 6×9 cell.

I sincerely hope, William, that you repent publicly, quickly, and truly. I also sincerely hope that you, and all you represent, will never represent our town again. Have a nice, long stay in jail.

Sending Macey Off Tonight

noel — Tue, 06 Sep 2005 15:31:52 +0000

My dear fellow R. David Macey celebrates his last night in Chattanooga tonight. He will be meeting with members of the public at 9pm from his usual table at the Fox & Hound to discuss memories, and is currently accepting offers to ensure his eventual return to our fine town. However, his imminent departure for the balmy confines of Lakeland, Florida is non-negotiable. Having said that, he does wish to see each and every one of you tonight, and as enticement, has arranged for the Fox & Hound to offer pints of over 30 beers at the nominal price of $2.25 per.

–As dictated by Mr. N. D. Weichbrodt, Agent to Mr. Macey.

Bob Corker Just Said He Likes My Hair

noel — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 23:30:36 +0000

When unexpected things happen to me, I don’t react quickly unless pressed. This is to say, I am slow-witted. I can always think of an incisive comeback or pertinent question–usually right before I fall asleep. But not always. Today, unfortunately, there was no mistaking me for a courtier or comic.

“Boy, I would sure be happy with a head of hair like that!” quipped the former mayor of Chattanooga as he exited the men’s room.

Now, many people have commented, and usually in a flatteringly-favorable fashion, about my bouffant. Some have, in Dionysian fits, touched, twaddle, twirled, and stroked it, usually without its owners consent.

But this marks a new apogee of fame for my locks, their most famous fan yet. Should Mr. Bob Corker win his Senate 2006 campaign, my hair will have been recognized by one of only an august hundred of the people�s representatives. Perhaps he�ll introduce a bill for me or something. Then I shall rule the known world!

Back to my response, or more properly, back to my lack of a response. Being situated in an unaccommodating position in the men�s room, I could not turn and face Mr. Corker, which took up the valuable mental processing time that was otherwise needed to formulate a crafty and clever response. So instead I twisted my head around and in an unnaturally loud voice for such close quarters backhanded a �Thanks, thank you��, whipping my neck back from it�s untenable position and possibly inducing whiplash. Don�t worry, I�m not suing. But I work for a law firm, and the only time I see people is during bathroom forays.

noel — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 23:32:22 +0000

I almost titled this post “UTC: Just Wait ’til There’s A Beowulf Cluster of Those…Wait, We Have A Beowulf Cluster!”

I need to find someone to invite me to tour the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga’s new 398-node, 64-bit, Dell-based supercomputer cluster running SUSE Linux. I’m such a sucker for high-performance computational visualizations. Wally Edmondson, are you out there?

Our German Doppelganger

noel — Fri, 20 May 2005 23:31:57 +0000

Chat A Nuga with their hit, “Dance A Little”, available now on iTunes. I’d like to know if anybody hears their music.

TFP Garners a Cult Blog Following?

noel — Fri, 06 May 2005 23:40:28 +0000

Chattavegas’ own Times Free Press seems to benefit from the big fish in small pond syndrome. In a ranking of blogs-to-incoming-hyperlinks, it ranks in the top five newspapers in the country. With only six blogs, and 27 inbound links, it gets a stellar 4.5 links-per-blog. Of course, the New York times, for comparison, has 43,246 blogs giving 105,694 inbound linkys (with a 2ish links-per-blog). Still, this is the internet: passionate regional concerns can have disproportionate impact on the world.

For more, check the summary post of where these numbers came from.

Tennessee Valley Railroad

noel — Fri, 29 Apr 2005 23:30:51 +0000

For staff appreciation day, the people who don’t bill hours at my firm were treated with a train ride & luncheon at the Tennessee Valley Railroad.

As a side note, I need to start an online list of places to go on a date in Chattanooga. Not that I went on many dates. I’m just enough of a nerd to have planned them out. That said, I am married now, so there’s something to this.

The point is, the Tennessee Valley Railroad is a great place to go on a date. Trains are romantic.

I also fell in love while at the train depot.

She’s a 1919 passenger engine, Made by Montreal Locomotive Works. Entirely unlike my wife, she’s 30 feet tall, black, made out of steel, and runs on steam. Nice lines, though.

I’ve lost control of this post entirely.

The Times Free Press randomly has this cool photo-movie thing about the TVR.

I won two free tickets for another ride as a door prize, and there’s definite plans to use them on a date of my own. With my wife. On a train. Choo-choo!