Reflections on Josiah’s “Zombies in St. Elmo”

Two points in response to Josiah’s posts regarding disaster recovery procedures in the event of a zombie attack in St. Elmo.

First, Josiah, you have the makings of a grand master’s thesis in film and philosophy investigating the philosophy of mind embedded in zombie flicks.

Second, and this is digging deep into my axiology, I intensely dislike zombies. Not personally, but as a concept. I can accept, suspending disbelief, that the dead become undead. I also accept your claim that zombies have no higher-order cognitive capabilities. Doesn’t bother me at all. And it seems perfectly reasonable to believe that if a zombie bites you, you become dead, and then undead, joining their ranks.

What does bother me gets into why I never fully enjoyed Romero’s Dead trilogy, or the horror videogames (Resident Evil, Parasite Eve, etc). It is this: how can you kill the undead? They’ve been dead, now they are undead, and your going to make them dead again? How can the undead go back to the dead, since they’ve already incorporated ‘dead’ into their very name! What are you going to do with that railgun or chainsaw, skipper? Dead the undead? Sorry baby, this cowboy don’t ride like that.

Oftentimes the zombies are allowed to pull themselves back together for another go of it. This is ludicrous to another power. You know what I’m talking about, you Halo gamers. You kill ‘em with three blasts from the shotgun, but then their blasted limbs scattered across the ground start twitching, and you look away, and by the time you look back, there’s a newly-reanimated zombie all up in your grill, talking about your mom and waving his twice-dead bloodied stumps around, trying to bite you. Well bite me, Mr. Zombie: what’s your metaphysical justification for this?! You’re a walking logical contradiction. The dead become undead cannot become dead again, and may certainly not become the undeadundead in the impossible scenario of becoming the undeaddead. Poof, away you go in a dissipated vapor of triumphant syllogism.

In conclusion, Josiah, while your DR plan for the zombie uprising in St. Elmo is admirable, I am sad to say it is fatally flawed, for you cannot kill the undead.

I will revisit this topic tomorrow, after I have thought about it before going to sleep for the night.

July 2nd, 2005 | Miscellaneous, Unbelievable, Zombies

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