How to Assemble an English Premier League Level Starting XI for $800,000

Bolton, beware. The MLS Player’s Association leaked player salaries for the fourth straight year, and it’s time to assemble the traditional starting 11 of underpaid MLS players who could easily match a mid-table Premiership side for a staggering $798,899 (last time it was $875,288). Somebody give these guys a raise so that they can get out of their parent’s basement!

You can also check out Climbing the Ladder, where they assemble a full 23-player squad that could bring the pain to Derby County and remain under the MLS salary cap of $2.3 million.

We’ll line up in a 4-3-3, just to show that the cheapness is inclusive of good style. Not only that, I think these guys would thrive and throw down in a 4-3-3.

Goalie
Brad Guzan: $103,974. (hey, splurge on the goalie; you’ll only need one since he’s the best in MLS. That non-transfer to Aston Villa hurt more than the Worm’s pride!)
Defense
Bornstein Jonathan $77,500.00 (Shutting down Messi in the Copa America never came so cheap.)
Boswell Robert $33,000.0
Craig Waibel $70,008
Michael Harrington $49,600 (If he was at Fulham, he would be tied for top goalscorer.)

Midfield
Juan Toja: $150,000 (Cheapest #10 on the planet! This dude will be moving on to La Liga or Argentina in the next two years. Deco, protect your neck!)
Devon McTavish: $33,000
Stuart Holden: $33,075

Forward
Maykel Galindo: $79,750 (The Cuban makes a perfect right-sided forward, and he doesn’t like Communism!)
Kenny Cooper: $83,000 (Prototypical No. 9)
Chris Rolfe: $86,000 (A poor man’s Ronaldinho, with the same inconsistency but without the Barcelona nightclub bar tabs.)

Total: $798,899

Blue Light Specials
F Jozy Altidore: $128,333 (If Real Madrid knew this…)
M Dane Richards: $33,000
F Chad Barrett $53,773.13
F Hercules Gomez $51,817
F Adam Cristman $33,000
D Jeff Parke $57,487
D Chris Leitch $60,000
D Marvell Wynne $47,500.00
F Soumare Bakary $70,000
M Sainey Nyassi: $17,700
GK Bouna Coundoul: $33,000 (Take your team to the Africa Cup of Nations final, shutting out D. Drogba & Ivory Coast, and this is what you get to come back home to!)

April 13th, 2008 | Soccer, Unbelievable

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